It's been one of those weeks...
already. I don't know if Jessica just senses that something big is getting close with the baby or if she's just having a few cranky days. But MAN! She has just been something else to have to deal with. It started Sunday where she was just
miss clingy in nursery. It's rough the weeks we're not teaching, but I think it's even worse the weeks that we are. She gets SO upset when we're paying attention to other kids - especially if we're holding them. It was
tantrum after tantrum all morning. Thank heavens for her little friend Troy being willing to share his crackers during Sacrament meeting, because all Jessica's dumb mom brought was carrot sticks as a snack. :) Michael and I figured she'd take a nice long nap for sure after church. We really needed her too since we'd invited some neighbors over for that afternoon. I spent a good two hours doing the
nap-time fight with
her and it ended up being for nothing. When she makes up her mind, it does not matter what you try. That afternoon we had some neighbors over. I've felt bad that I haven't made more of an attempt before now to get to know them - they have a little girl a few months older than Jessica and a baby boy that's just a few months old. Our complex is mostly single students, so I really should have made more of an attempt sooner, but oh well. Anyways, I finally talked to them and set up a playdate kind of thing. Jessica, predictably, could have been better. It's not a big deal when it's people you already know well, but she was supposed to be my happy little sweety, not
Miss Cranky. Monday was no better. Arguably it was worse since Michael was off at school most of the day. Super early wake up, no nap (until 5:00pm), cranky, cranky. Since she went to bed so late (b/c of her late nap) we figured she'd at least sleep in for us. Nope, wide awake at 6am. I realize that I'm feeling 9 months pregnant on top of everything else, but there were times this morning I just had to walk away from her in order to calm down. I knew she needed a nap today. But I was so worried it would be another fruitless 2 hour battle. When I told her it was nap time she, predictably, starting
screaming and running away. Never mind that I'd given her TONS of "15 minutes until nap," "5 minutes until nap," etc. Finally I dragged her off to her room kicking and screaming.
The point of all this? I just held her in my arms and wrapped her up in a blanket and actually got her to calm down as I sang her a new song I made up. I sang to her about how much I loved her from the moment I first saw her and how happy I am to be able to be her Mommy forever. There were times I had to choke back tears as it just put it all in perspective for me. And then she fell asleep in my arms, with her arms wrapped around me, holding me tightly. It was exactly what I needed to just help me realize that no matter what she does and the hard it can be sometimes (and how much harder it's probably going to get), it is SO worth every second. I love her more than I ever realized it was possible to love. I am the most lucky person in the entire world.
It's been one of those weeks... already. I don't know if Jessica just senses that something big is getting close with the baby or if she's just having a few cranky days. But MAN! She has just been something else to have to deal with. It started Sunday where she was just miss clingy in nursery. It's rough the weeks we're not teaching, but I think it's even worse the weeks that we are. She gets SO upset when we're paying attention to other kids - especially if we're holding them. It was tantrum after tantrum all morning. Thank heavens for her little friend Troy being willing to share his crackers during Sacrament meeting, because all Jessica's dumb mom brought was carrot sticks as a snack. :) Michael and I figured she'd take a nice long nap for sure after church. We really needed her too since we'd invited some neighbors over for that afternoon. I spent a good two hours doing the nap-time fight with
her and it ended up being for nothing. When she makes up her mind, it does not matter what you try. That afternoon we had some neighbors over. I've felt bad that I haven't made more of an attempt before now to get to know them - they have a little girl a few months older than Jessica and a baby boy that's just a few months old. Our complex is mostly single students, so I really should have made more of an attempt sooner, but oh well. Anyways, I finally talked to them and set up a playdate kind of thing. Jessica, predictably, could have been better. It's not a big deal when it's people you already know well, but she was supposed to be my happy little sweety, not Miss Cranky. Monday was no better. Arguably it was worse since Michael was off at school most of the day. Super early wake up, no nap (until 5:00pm), cranky, cranky. Since she went to bed so late (b/c of her late nap) we figured she'd at least sleep in for us. Nope, wide awake at 6am. I realize that I'm feeling 9 months pregnant on top of everything else, but there were times this morning I just had to walk away from her in order to calm down. I knew she needed a nap today. But I was so worried it would be another fruitless 2 hour battle. When I told her it was nap time she, predictably, starting screaming and running away. Never mind that I'd given her TONS of "15 minutes until nap," "5 minutes until nap," etc. Finally I dragged her off to her room kicking and screaming.
The point of all this? I just held her in my arms and wrapped her up in a blanket and actually got her to calm down as I sang her a new song I made up. I sang to her about how much I loved her from the moment I first saw her and how happy I am to be able to be her Mommy forever. There were times I had to choke back tears as it just put it all in perspective for me. And then she fell asleep in my arms, with her arms wrapped around me, holding me tightly. It was exactly what I needed to just help me realize that no matter what she does and the hard it can be sometimes (and how much harder it's probably going to get), it is SO worth every second. I love her more than I ever realized it was possible to love. I am the most lucky person in the entire world.
5 comments:
Oh yes, yes, yes...I sympathize completely with those kind of days (where nothing you do or say can make them magically turn back into their wonderfully happy selves again). I had a similar experience with Azure the other day...and at the end of it all I loved her so much more! They are amazing little creatures!
Boy, I sure remember those days. And with two . . . David couldn't get home soon enough. But like you said, it's all worth it.
Oh how I have had feelings like that! Where you are about to pull your hair out and lose your cool and the best thing to do is just walk away. Then once the storm blows over, your really do look at there sweet faces and it just melts your heart, that you get to be their mommy!
Don't you love our two year olds exercising their free agency? I don't think there is anything out there but being a mother that can drive a person to feel so many different emotions in such a short amount of time. Troy could always use a playmate if you need a little alone time!
Parker seemed to know something new was coming the weeks before I had Tingen. It made for quite a few days like what you describe. You're right, though, totally worth it. Hang in there!
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